you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
