ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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