My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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