God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize