I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
