You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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