so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my poor anus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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