This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Still dying that you shit outside
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
