I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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