If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
