you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
