so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
