But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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