i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
