Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This beer is not sobering me up at all
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
