Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
