one two three fourrrrnication!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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