Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
