he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
