Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
