Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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