awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
