I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
