If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
