I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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