My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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