walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
