i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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