fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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