You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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