how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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