I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
