Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
