glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
MIDGETS
????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
