He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
