it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
