Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize