Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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