He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
