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• (248): View more from Michigan

  if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  and it's going to stay that way

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Fav 24 1883 4183

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.

  Fav 34 2819 2339

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (951): View more from California

  I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.

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• (+49): View more from Germany

  I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.

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