I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.