I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.