Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.