I've blown a few things in my day
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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