.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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