Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
