Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.