im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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