dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.