I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"