distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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