dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
