I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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