you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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