3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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