ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
