You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
