I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
