Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
