I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
