You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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