Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
