Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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