I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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