When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My vagina is very pro this idea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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