Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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