Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
