Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
